I just wanted to tell you a miserable little story that might make you laugh. I was sent to the store this evening on an emergency mission to procure female supplies and Boo was restless, so I took him with me (he likes going to the store with me.)

I took the time to pick up a few other things I had been meaning to get and proceeded to the checkout line. There was a man at the register (so Boo had to look to the next register over for someone to flirt with), and he was quite genial. We chatted a little as he scanned my items and then he said the following:

“I’ve seen you here before, but I haven’t seen him (referring to Boo.) Is he yours, or is he your grandson?”

[Pause for dramatic effect.]

[Longggggggggggggggggggggggg pause.]

Well, what can I say? I’m sort of stuck in that pause. I don’t turn 40 for a couple of months. True, Chelsea turns sixteen in August, so it’s technically possible, but I really wasn’t expecting an emotional crisis about that event - turning 30 had been a minor affair - but this sort of lays the groundwork for a dozy. Perhaps keeping my hair in a crew cut isn’t enough to hide the grey at the temples. Maybe I should shave my head. But it’s such a bother - you have to do it every day or it looks like crap, and that would add a good 10-15 minutes to my morning routine, not to mention that max pack of razors and can of shaving gel I would have to pick up more often than I buy toilet paper. Even worse, perhaps the “grandfather” age shows in my face more than in the grey temple hair.

Dad - I remember making a birthday card for you (maybe it was when you turned 30) that teased you about your age. You might remember how I spelled “going bold” instead of “going bald.” (I must have been a precocious kid - I was five going on six when you turned thirty.) I just wanted you to know how sorry I am about that card and all the other age teasings I have ever made; and that goes for you, too, Mum.

If I’m going to have a midlife crisis this year, I had better start planning for it. I mean, I’ve already done the normal things - rode a fast motorcycle, jumped out of airplanes, gone scuba diving, rappelling, blowing things up, living in the woods and surviving by eating bugs… oh crap, I know there’s more, but I can’t think them all. I’d really have to put some thought into a good, quality midlife crisis event. John Dionne stole a good idea - learning to fly an aeroplane - and what’s more, he rubbed it in my face by taking me for a flight when I visited him on my last business trip to Missouri a month ago. The only “normal” midlife crisis thing I haven’t done is take a mistress. (All right - quiet in the galleys - it’s not in my nature - I think. One woman is enough work - why would I want another?)

I’m open to suggestions. See the “Comments” link below this post? The winner will get a webpage dedicated to him/her, and the event, with pictures if possible.

Posted by Greg in Family & Friends, Posts About Me