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Thursday, May 5th, 2005

Miserable Little Story

I just wanted to tell you a miserable little story that might make you laugh. I was sent to the store this evening on an emergency mission to procure female supplies and Boo was restless, so I took him with me (he likes going to the store with me.)

I took the time to pick up a few other things I had been meaning to get and proceeded to the checkout line. There was a man at the register (so Boo had to look to the next register over for someone to flirt with), and he was quite genial. We chatted a little as he scanned my items and then he said the following:

“I’ve seen you here before, but I haven’t seen him (referring to Boo.) Is he yours, or is he your grandson?”

[Pause for dramatic effect.]

[Longggggggggggggggggggggggg pause.]

Well, what can I say? I’m sort of stuck in that pause. I don’t turn 40 for a couple of months. True, Chelsea turns sixteen in August, so it’s technically possible, but I really wasn’t expecting an emotional crisis about that event – turning 30 had been a minor affair – but this sort of lays the groundwork for a dozy. Perhaps keeping my hair in a crew cut isn’t enough to hide the grey at the temples. Maybe I should shave my head. But it’s such a bother – you have to do it every day or it looks like crap, and that would add a good 10-15 minutes to my morning routine, not to mention that max pack of razors and can of shaving gel I would have to pick up more often than I buy toilet paper. Even worse, perhaps the “grandfather” age shows in my face more than in the grey temple hair.

Dad – I remember making a birthday card for you (maybe it was when you turned 30) that teased you about your age. You might remember how I spelled “going bold” instead of “going bald.” (I must have been a precocious kid – I was five going on six when you turned thirty.) I just wanted you to know how sorry I am about that card and all the other age teasings I have ever made; and that goes for you, too, Mum.

If I’m going to have a midlife crisis this year, I had better start planning for it. I mean, I’ve already done the normal things – rode a fast motorcycle, jumped out of airplanes, gone scuba diving, rappelling, blowing things up, living in the woods and surviving by eating bugs… oh crap, I know there’s more, but I can’t think them all. I’d really have to put some thought into a good, quality midlife crisis event. John Dionne stole a good idea – learning to fly an aeroplane – and what’s more, he rubbed it in my face by taking me for a flight when I visited him on my last business trip to Missouri a month ago. The only “normal” midlife crisis thing I haven’t done is take a mistress. (All right – quiet in the galleys – it’s not in my nature – I think. One woman is enough work – why would I want another?)

I’m open to suggestions. See the “Comments” link below this post? The winner will get a webpage dedicated to him/her, and the event, with pictures if possible.

Posted by Greg in Family & Friends, Posts About Me

3 Comments »

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 5th, 2005 at 23:57 PST and is filed under Family & Friends, Posts About Me. You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

3 Responses to “Miserable Little Story”

  1. Greg says:

    I had a great little idea while writing this post about creating an index of significant people in my life. It shames me to think that I thought of it while entering “John Dionne”, not “Dad” or “Mum” or “Boo” or even “my wife.” I guess it occured to me while thinking of significant people after the ones I too often take for granted. It’s my only excuse.

    I’ll have to look into creating this index within the confines of my (very) limited understanding of html, WordPress, php and css; and what’s more, how to prioritize those links into a single column – my blog, and many others, works that way – that cannot possibly reflect the complexity of the significance of each individual to me. Do I assign an overall score to each person and create a ranked listing? Do I group people by significant segments in my life (relatives, high school, college, army, work, girlfriends) that lumps also-mentions with people that really changed me?

    I don’t know, but am intrigued by the concept. I have previously mentioned that I’m not impressed by the “Recent Comments” in the right sidebar – but I felt compelled to look for a three-column format. Perhaps this would be a better use for a third column. If I can figure it out, I probably have the basis for a WordPress plugin. Of course, this discussion totally neglects the impact of the individual summarization the significant people in my life – even if I dedicate an entire page to each one. What if someone finds it and is offended by what I have to say about him/her, or the mere fact that I created an information source about him/her ? Oh well, I guess; at least you get a moment of glory, if only because you are linked to me in the grandeur of the searchable internet.

  2. somebody's mom says:

    At least I know you are not as crazy as John He is a certifiable nut.Married 3 times military for 13 years screams hollers for nothing. But he is mine

    Have a Great Birthday let the crazy stunts to John

  3. Raquel says:

    Happy Birthday John!